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The future; may it be bright :) - Jessica [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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The future; may it be bright :) [Nov. 18th, 2009|01:53 pm]
[Current Mood |hopefulhopeful]

So I was on some medication for about 3 months that f'd up my hormones and basically made me depressed and very irritable. I would cry at anything, get angry at anyone, and just want to be left alone. I have since gone off that medication and am feeling much more like myself. I do believe that I basically had an "out of body" experience those few weeks. Not feeling like myself gave me the opportunity to really look deep inside myself. I knew I wanted to be a better person and really tried to figure how I could achieve that. So I started to mess around with ideas of going back to school, finding a new job, going to church, getting into better shape, etc.

I've since gone to church and found it very uplifting. It was actually a bit overwhelming. I went back to a church that I use to attend when I was younger and it just had a feeling of nostalgia to it. I had tears almost all throughout the service, but it felt good. I'm not quite sure if I'm "sold" on this church though. It's a Church of God, so it's pentecostal and it's a bit strange when people just get up and twirl about in a dance. Find it a little distracting. I've only gone once though, but plan to go back this Sunday.

I've kicked Lindsay out from my house. Our relationship had just turned to shit. She's a totally different person than she was 2 years ago and it's very sad. But she is what she is and I'm done. She got most of her stuff out on Sunday and I told her what wasn't out was either being sold, thrown away, or given away. So I now have my house back to myself and I think it's for the best. Of course I'll miss that extra money each month, but I'll deal with it.

I've been working out 5-6 days a week and see a 6 pack in my near future, and not from the fridge! Ali and I had a 2 week boot camp session to help us get back into it. Since then I've been really hitting the gym hard and controlling my diet. To the point of only drinking alcohol once a week and only minimal at that! I read a book by Jillian Michaels called, Master your Metabolism. Found it extremely fascinating! So from the book and our boot camp I think I'm well on my way to a healthier me. But in saying that, it's not like I've become fat or anything, just trying extra hard to reach my goal I never quite got.